Arise.

Lonely and sick of it.

Time to vent a little bit. I’ll get straight to the point. When I’m very upset, my thoughts get muddled and I can’t express myself in a way I would like to. That may happen here but hopefully what I’m saying is understandable.

I’m very tired of trying to put in everything I have into a friendship when I’m getting nothing in return. I understand that people have lives. I have a life, too. But that’s no excuse to not treat your “friend” like a real friend. Like a real person. My “friends”  never seem to have time for me. I thought it was me because I’m extremely shy. So I tried to keep up the communication between me and them. That didn’t work at all. And what frustrates me is that they know when to find me if they a)break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend and need someone to vent to or b)need help with school work or any type of work. I have no problem helping you with whatever it is you need help with. But you’re ONLY coming to me because you have a problem? You’re using me because you know I would listen to you? That’s bullshit. Utter bullshit. And I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to affect me to the point where I really don’t trust anyone. If someone begins to talk to me I wonder, What do they truly want? They’re not going to hang around long.

It’s so sad how selfish this world is becoming. The only people in my life who I can trust are my mom and Naffy, my cat (and yes, I consider my cat a person because she’s a hell of a lot better than all of the other people I’ve come into contact with). It seems as if no one really cares about you and, in my case, that’s very true. I hate how people tell me they’re my “friend” and that they DO “care” about me when I know damn well that’s not true.

This is one of the major reasons why I would really want to be in a relationship, why I want a girlfriend. There would be someone there for me. Someone who actually cares about me, cares what I have to say. Someone to talk to and who I could just be myself around. I don’t care if people think this isn’t a good reason to want to be in a relationship. It’s something I want. Do I need it? No, I can function by myself. I’ve been doing it forever. Would I love to be in a relationship with a wonderful girl who actually gave a damn about me? God, yes. Very much.

And I’m not the only person who seems to have this problem. A majority of the people in my generation also feel as lonely as me because people are too fucking selfish. No one’s willing to listen to you because you’re being too whiny, immature, conceited, etc.

I’m just very mentally tired of this. I really, really am.

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